2009-07-22

Depression really has its way of eating your soul no matter how much you try to ignore it. i can party my nights away and laugh with my friends all day but the fact remains that it’s still there inside me – gnawing away my soul. i don’t even know why i’m depressed in the first place. i just feel… sad, heavy hearted, upset, and well – depressed. i have no idea why i feel this way. i got everything i want. no one’s stopping me from doing the things i want to do anymore. i don’t have anyone on my back interrogating me everyday. it’s all so… weird. maybe i’m just not used to it.

People start noticing that i’m loosing weight and ask me how i do it. i give them one answer: depression. i don’t know how i do it. i’m just depressed. too depressed to eat, too depressed to world.. i just lost the drive and vigor to do things these days. i’d rather lock myself in my own room, lie down on my bed and stare into space. i can’t go out in to the world and pretend that i’m ok when in fact i’m not. that would be called pretension – a different thing from depression. god, am i going nuts?

it’s just a phase… maybe i’d get over it in a few weeks… i hope so.

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