2009-08-18

There’s a step you have to go through to get over the pain of a broken heart.

And it’s one we shy away from – because it is painful.
The step is to get proper closure. Think about it – when you do really understand that it’s over, and you’re at peace with it, what your ex does or who they’re with doesn’t both you.
I think one of the reasons we go through so much pain is that we’ve got our future entwined with our ex partner. The path we thought we were going down has now just been ripped apart. All the things we thought we were going to do, experiences we thought we were going to have – it’s all taken away from us within an instant. And when you’re in the pain of a broken heart, you’re mourning the end of that future you created.
But when you create a new one – your perspective changes. Its like when you were a kid on christmas eve, and you were so excited about being able to open your presents the next day. You have something to look foward to. It’s a total antidote to the depression of a breakup.
The only way you’re going to get that is to get proper closure from the past. this may mean different things for you – but I’m talking about proper closure – where you don’t hold on to any hope for the future between you two. You need to be honest with yourself about this.
We often avoid this step because we’re programmed in our nervous system to avoid pain – and the process of getting closure can involve uncertainty and pain.
But seek it, find it, and you will heal.
When your partner becomes distant..
They say that sometimes the lonliest you feel is when you’re in a relationship..
When your partner starts to withdraw, or starts to make noises like they’re going to leave you, all you want to do is latch on and stop them – but trust me – it’s the worst thing to do.
I know the feeling when you want to do something – and it’s driving you a little crazy that they haven’t called or aren’t paying you attention – and you’re worried it’s ending but you can’t force those things by calling or sending texts that dont make sense, just to get a response back. Or worse, picking a fight.
Your friends might tell you to be indifferent, and play hard to get – but I believe you can’t fake these things…
So here are some tangible things to do…things that will not only keep your mind off him, but develop you so that you emit that wonderful, sexy energy that will have your partner gagging for more..
- Write down a list of things you want to do that you stopped you doing because of the relationship– whether it be actively or things you just put by the wayside because you were too busy lavishing attention on them. Then put a plan in place to do them.You had a life before them – you still have a life.
- Have a hobby you always wanted to start? Now is the time – dive headfirst into it. Again put a plan in place to do it, book something in if it’s a class, or just plan in dedicated time. The idea is when they next call to see you – you’re doing other interesting stuff that doesn’t involve them that will make them curious. The best part is you’ll start to lose yourself in something you love or just gain a new skill.
- Browse an internet dating site. Yeah you dont need to join but we always tend to hang on to things too hard when we think there’s Nothing else out there. A good site will open your eyes up to the fact that there are loads of single people everywhere! You just need to change your perspective.
Bottom line – change the energy you’re focussing on them (believe me, they’re sensing it) and put it on yourself (they’ll sense that also – and it will be alluring).
In withdrawing – your partner may be asking for space. If you latch on – you’re not giving them that. In fact you could be really annoying – we had it when someone does it to us – its no different for them.
They say that women marry men for the men they can become, where as men marry women for the woman they were when they met. Go back to who you were before them. Take the attention away and you’ll find they’ll be vying for it back.
Plus you’ll be unpredictable and will quietly and effectively show him that they won’t be rewarded for behaving this way.
Keep your heart safe, by becoming a stronger you.

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