2009-08

Fastest way to change your relationship with a man if it’s been stuck in a place that just doesn’t work for you.
First, explain to him all of your feelings and what you’re going through, and try and get him to hear you and do better at his part in your relationship. Second, keep thinking about your part in the relationship and make a change to the only thing you have real control over – yourself and your behavior. Lastly, tell him what kind of relationship you want in your life… and that the relationship you’re
having isn’t working and fulfilling your needs.
To explain to him all of your feelings and what you’re going through, and try and get him to hear you and do better at his part in your relationship. Even if you can get a short time response by having the man in your life listen a little better one time around, this approach has little LASTING EFFECT when it comes to your deeper relationship
patterns and dynamics.

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It’s when a woman expects that the relationship will progress to something more committed, but ends up feeling disappointed when she finds out the man doesn’t want the same thing. So what’s going on here? And what can you do
about it? “CENTER” YOURSELF FIRST… AND GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.
What you need to do FIRST, before you do anything else, is get CLEAR about what you want and expect from your love life. You need to be honest with YOURSELF first, before you can be honest with anyone else in your life. Stop PRETENDING you only want a “casual” fun fling when what you REALLY want is to have a committed, serious relationship that’s “going somewhere.”
Here’s the thing: Getting clear about what you want will help guide your mind in all kinds of POSITIVE DIRECTIONS to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life. But, unfortunately, being CLEAR and HONEST is not that simple for most women when “the rubber meets the road” in dating and relationships. The reality is, knowing what they want and expect can turn into a source of EXTREME frustration and anxiety for a lot of women.
Men can act more than a little insensitive to all of this, and even act like TOTAL IDIOTS when it comes to appreciating and respecting the great relationship you already have together.

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Let me tell you something important that you might have gotten mixed up inside your head as a woman in relationships with men who wouldn’t listen…
It’s OK to want what you want and to let a man know it. In fact, it’s a MUST. And it’s OK to tell a man that his behavior doesn’t match with what you want. For example, if a woman is honest and up front about what she wants and expects from a man, in a way that says that she’s not too attached to the immediate outcome, and she subtly lets him know that he better have his act together or else. It can turn the usual “teeth pulling” talk into an opportunity for building attraction and a deep source of commitment with a man. But remember…YOU CAN’T FAKE IT. You have to be in a place where you truly believe that you’ll find and meet your expectations for love and relationships, with or without the man who’s there in front of you right then. No matter how much you love him. That means you have to be in the right frame of mind, and state in your heart, BEFORE you start the conversation with him…But most women aren’t in the right frame of mind because they’re afraid, and they’ve “tricked” themselves into thinking that their intimate feelings for a man will scare him off.
WRONG.
It’s not honesty that will scare him off, it’s the negative, fearful and anxious “vibe” that you unknowingly give off before you finally EXPLODE because you can no longer hide how you feel from the man you’re with. That’s what scares some men off or makes
them clam up. The amazing thing is that men crave HONEST women who are up front about who they are and what they want in relationships. The key is to know the RIGHT WAY to communicate these things without going over the top. Remember, if you communicate with a man in a way that assumes, begs, convinces, or makes him
think that you’re “entitled” to a relationship and a commitment with him, he will NEVER, EVER respect you and want to stay for the long-term. You might get what you want in the short-term if he gives in to your wishes just to avoid a conflict, but trust me, you are headed for MUCH bigger problems in the future. Or worse, you’ll get what you want NOW, but he’s spent the past months – or even worse, YEARS – secretly SEETHING WITH RESENTMENT towards you.

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