2009-09-11

Awakening To The Experience

Sitting in front of my computer, I took that first sip of my ENERGEN (milk and cereal) to clear the fog from my sleepy brain. And unconsciously began to type.

“Do I have anything to tell myself today,” I asked to myself. “Is there any list to be made that could possibly add structure to the chaos that is my life? Were there any errands I needed to run? What things was I not supposed to forget? My mind is a blank and I know I’m supposed to remind myself to do something today, but what?

I knew I’d have to dig in soon and put my mark on this day. Thinking and wondered if it could eradicate my past mistakes. Yet, would I really want that? Weren’t those mistakes there to teach me something? Sure I’d had some painful lessons, but the mistakes had been my teachers and the outcome had always been personal growth.

“No,” I thought, “I couldn’t dare erase all those fractures in my life. Then, I awoke to the realization that I could step over the fractures to make life easier on myself. It was the stepping over that showed me my growth. I’m not stuck in the bog any longer. I’d seen each “glitch” for what it really was and moved on.” Sure there have been plenty of messes, heartbreaks, loneliness, rejection, not to mention tons of errors in judgment, but I’ve not only survived all that, I’ve prevailed. I’ve learned to forgive, to forget, and to accept with an open heart. I’ve laughed and cried and laughed so hard I cried. Frustration has brought me to the point of tears at times. There have been many let downs, set back and disappointments, yet I remember laughter winning when I held a mirror up and saw how pointless the problem really was.

Now, daily bouts of inner discovery widen my perspective, quiet my troubled mind and allow for a deeper connection to my true spirit not to mention a warming within my heart. Eagerly looking forward to the experiences this new day would bring my way, ready to adjust to any twists and turns it brought. After all I’ve been awakening to the experience. There’s no way out but through. Hit life head on, don’t look back and don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes. Open the door that leads to your true self and enjoy every second of the experience.

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